Hannah held her breath when she realized that, after killing the poor hunter, Elias had made the decision to kill himself. And all these memories were ones Eli had elected to bury in the darkness. But why? It seemed noble to her somehow that Elias had enough strength to even consider it. She read him as he slowly built his resolve and waited in the cave until the Sun was at its zenith. She watched in awe as he threw himself out of the cave into the glaring sunlight and raced for the cliff, trying desperately to throw himself off the edge so he would burn to death before he could make his way back – and she gasped as the parasite took control and threw him, sobbing, back into the safety of the cave, badly burned but alive.
She watched as he grew weaker day by day, resolved to stay in the cave at night and imprisoned by the sun during the day, until after eight days, his very weakness gave him one last chance to win the battle. The idea came to him slowly, and blossomed on the afternoon of the eighth day. The hunger was with him always now; a gnawing pain that filled his senses, but the horror of killing somehow kept it in check. I’ll die if I have to kill anyone else! he repeated to himself, over and over again.
He would end it tonight. He would go into the meadow just before dawn and hope that, as weak as he was, he wouldn’t be able to make it back to the cave when the sun came up.
Hannah simply couldn’t believe the inner strength exhibited by this small waif-like boy; this boy who would, after over 250 years, become the Eli she loved so dearly; the Eli who still agonized over … something that would happen within the next few days. She was certain of it now, and she knew it had to be a monumental event. She wished with all her heart that she could just take him in her arms and whisk him away with her, before whatever happened…happened. But the past was cast in concrete, she knew. All she could do was stand by and hope that, by stripping away all the black scar tissue, her Eli could finally begin to heal. And so, she did. And she stripped it away with her absolute faith in Eli’s basic goodness and humanity, never fearing for a moment what she might find beneath.
§§
He slipped his sister Anna’s dress on over his head for the last time and stumbled out of the cave. It was all he had taken when he left his family, unobserved, for the last time and it comforted him somehow. His heightened sense of smell allowed him to imagine that she was right here beside him, helping him to win his final battle.
He made two attempts before he was able to claw himself to the top of the ravine, then with much effort, half-stumbled, half-crawled toward the meadow. Finally, out of breath, he lay down on his back in a wide spot on an old animal trail, almost exactly in the center of the clearing. He was so weak now he was having trouble thinking clearly, but he could feel the creature within him, dark, menacing, and restless. He sensed its impatience and frustration, as he drifted in and out of consciousness. He tried his best to stay away from it; to ignore it. He certainly didn’t want to get into an argument with it; he knew he would lose.
§
“Papa! Look here! It’s a little girl! I think she’s hurt!” Elias opened his eyes.
“Let me take a look.” Papa held the lantern over his head as he knelt down beside him. “Hold this for me Isak.” He handed the lantern to his son, and in the exchange, Elias got a good look at them both. He could see that the boy was young, probably about his age or a little older, long blond hair, blue eyes and a bit slim, a miniature version of his father, who sported a nicely-trimmed blond beard. His rough skin and calloused hands indicated to Elias that he was a man who had worked hard all his life, like his own father. They could be his neighbors – in fact, the boy looked vaguely familiar to him, perhaps from school?
“Can you talk, sweetie? Are you hurt?”
“Please…” Go away! Run for your lives! Elias was terrified. What if he WAS strong enough? What if… He probed inside himself. He could feel the darkness stirring, but it seemed weak, unmotivated. He breathed a sigh of relief.
“Where are your parents? Do you live nearby? What’s your name, sweetie?”
“E…Eli…”
“Eli? This is my son Isak. We’re going to take you home with us until we can find your parents. Isak, take my pack and I’ll carry her. I know it’s a long walk, but if we pace ourselves we should make it before noon.” He bent down and gently put his arms under her legs and shoulders. “Eli, let me know if anything hurts when I pick you up, and we’ll figure something else out.”
“Please. Go away. Leave me. Please,” he whispered, hoarsely.
“Don’t be afraid. We’re here to help. I promise, as soon as we get home, I’ll send my son into town to find your parents. We’ll have you back safely at home in no time.” He smiled at her.
She felt herself being lifted gently, and involuntarily grabbed his arms as he adjusted his grip on her. “That’s it, Eli. You hold on tight and I’ll do the rest. This is going to be easy. You’re as light as a feather; no trouble at all! Isak? Do you recognize her from school? If she’s from around here, she may be in school.”
Isak studied her face carefully. “No, Papa. I don’t think I’ve seen her before. Maybe she’s new, or lost. I’m so sorry, Eli. You must be terribly afraid, out here all by yourself. We’ll take care of you!” He took her hand and held it for a moment, then blushed and let go of it quickly.
His papa smiled at him. “That was a nice thing to say, Isak. Eli, please don’t be afraid. You really are among friends now.” They moved out of the clearing and into the forest, following the path as it led down the hill to the right, past the steep cliff. After a half hour, they stopped to rest. Papa gently laid Eli in the soft grass and put his pack under her head. “Are you thirsty? Would you like some water?” he reached for his water bag.
Elias shook his head. “No. Please…” he croaked. They have to understand! They have to leave me!
“We have to hurry, Isak. I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with her. I’m afraid she may be worse off than I thought.” Elias saw the concerned look on both their faces. “My back is killing me though. I think we’ll make better time if I carry her like I carried you when you were little, Isak.” He smiled at him. “Give me a hand with her. Eli, let me know if this makes you uncomfortable.”
Elias felt Isak’s arms under his shoulders as he lifted him to his feet. His papa reached under Eli’s arms, lifted her to his chest like a baby and guided her head to his shoulder. “Can you wrap your arms and legs around me, sweetie? I think it’ll be a bit more comfortable for you if you can.” He firmly pulled Eli to him and clasped his hands together under her. “Now! How does that feel? More comfortable?” Elias felt his warmth, and hugged him tightly in spite of himself. What a nice man he was. He drifted off…
“Papa, do you think she’ll be okay? She’s so pretty! I hope we can find her parents.”
“She is pretty, isn’t she? I hope nothing bad happened with her…” he had heard of such things before, and then there were the rumors about Törnkvist.
§
The Creature could feel the blood flowing, the heartbeat, the warmth. And so near. So very close. The darkness opened up and it moved closer. Closer to its host, to the weakness. It had to feed. The life of its host depended on it. It touched the soft skin with its tongue. It delicately felt for the Spot and felt it pulsing rapidly against its tongue. Its mouth opened slowly and two razor-sharp fangs formed. The muscles in its arms and legs tightened, but there was no movement; only rigidity. It was time. And the timeless, ancient trigger was pulled.
“Ouch! What the heck?” Isak’s papa reached for his neck, but her head was in the way. He tried to push past, but she was pressed so tightly against his neck that he couldn’t move her. He knelt down and attempted to ease her to the ground, but it was as if she had turned to stone. “Eli! You’re hurting me! Please stop!” Desperately, he grabbed her hair and pulled, to no avail.
“Papa! What’s wrong? Eli, stop! Please stop! You’re hurting Papa!” He grabbed her around the waist and pulled as hard as he could. Eli swung a clawed fist at him, catching him on the side of his head.
Isak dropped like a stone and rolled over on his back, sobbing. “Eli, please stop!”
Elias felt the strength surge back into his body as he drank deeply from the gaping wound. He squeezed harder until the poor man’s back broke and he felt him go limp in his arms. He raised up, saw Isak staring at him in terror and, for a brief moment, snatched control away from It. “Run, Isak! Run for your life!” he hissed. His eyes turned golden once again and he bit deeply into the wound and squeezed and twisted the body until there was nothing left. Somewhere, far away, Elias could feel Isak pounding on his back with his bare fists.
“Stop! Stop! Get off him!”
Elias stepped away from the body and turned to face Isak. In spite of what he had done, his hunger still raged. He reached out and grabbed Isak’s arm as he rushed to his papa’s side. His mouth opened and he bared his fangs. Isak screamed and struggled to get away, but it was no use. “Eli! Eli! Please don’t! Please!”
She pulled him to her and bit down hard on his neck despite his screams of terror. She felt the tendons in his neck snap and savored the irresistible taste of his fresh, oxygen-rich, young blood. Simultaneously she sensed his youth and his sweetness, felt his pure love for his papa, and recoiled in disgust at what she was doing, but ultimately to no avail. She couldn’t bear the sounds of his struggle; his soft moans, the feeling of his small child’s body struggling against her, yet she couldn’t stop – and the ultimate horror was in her realization that she didn’t want to stop. In desperation, she put a clawed hand over his mouth and squeezed until he was silent. She drank slowly and held him firmly against her, deep in ecstasy yet utterly repulsed by what she was doing. His small body finally relaxed and she felt his heartbeat slow and stop. She held him close for a moment, then laid him gently on the ground, his beautiful golden hair splayed out around his angelic face.
And Eli cried. She cried for what she had become. For this kind man and his sweet son who had been embarrassed to hold her hand. The pain of it all overwhelmed her; the pain of having destroyed not one, but two beautiful human beings. She cried for Isak’s dear papa, who only wanted to help a dying child. She cried for a small 12-year-old boy who had bravely stayed to protect his loving father, only to die himself for his devotion. And finally, she cried for Elias, who had died with them both. He was fast becoming a distant memory.
She laid them together under a tree with their arms folded across their chests and their eyes closed, and forced herself to look at them. See what you’ve done? They’re dead so you could live. And you were weak and disgusting; you couldn’t even fight it. Isak was so much stronger than you were, Elias. He gave his life to protect his father. What did you do? You cried in your cave like the child you were and couldn’t even manage to die properly. And see what your weakness has begotten? She stopped crying. There was no point now. All was lost.
§§
As Hannah tore away the last of the scar tissue, a raging blood-red torrent poured through the gap she had opened and cascaded down the waterfall into Eli’s river of consciousness.
It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t your fault, Hannah screamed after it. She could see it all so clearly now; Elias’s inner strength that, but for fate, would have almost certainly given him what he wanted—his own death. Elias had actually as good as won the battle, but clearly, fate would have none of it. What were the odds that this poor man and his son would happen by at exactly the right time? And what were the odds that they would care enough to help a poor, filthy, almost dead child; one who might even be dying of some terrible disease?
It was such an improbable thing that Hannah couldn’t shake the feeling that there was some greater force at work here; a force that was determined to save Eli from herself. But to what purpose? The bodies she left behind as a result of this chance encounter numbered in the thousands. Could Eli have some value that could even begin to make up for all that? Of course, she realized that Oskar would probably be either dead or in jail if it weren’t for Eli; and she herself wouldn’t even exist without Gudmund’s help – help given only because Eli existed. And Eli’s Papa. Would he ever have recovered from the deep guilt he carried as a result of his wife’s and child’s deaths? And her Mama. Elaine would almost certainly have died at the hands of the Other One. And Gudmund. What would have become of him? After his wife and only child died, it was only Eli who gave his life meaning. And no one knew what drove Sava. His secrets were still his own, and yet his love for Eli was unquestionable. Why? And then there was Jonathan; an orphan adopted by a vampire, who has become a great scientist and innovator – who by his own admission would have probably ended up in jail or worse.
But we’re so few compared to the other innocents that died so she could live. Hannah’s head was spinning now. We simply aren’t worth all those lives.
§
Eli opened her eyes, disoriented. For a brief moment, she thought about the decision she had made to continue aging in spite of her pain – and then her newly released memories washed over her in a flood. She screamed, leaped out of bed, crawled into the corner near the bedroom door and pressed her fists hard against her temples. Oskar was right behind her and grabbed her tightly in his arms as she struggled against the raw pain. To him, it brought back vivid memories of Eli’s first victim in Blackeberg; the blond-haired boy who, in her nightmare, had been Oskar himself. Only this was orders of magnitude worse. He could scarcely bear it himself.
“Hannah! What did you do?! What have you done to her?” Oskar shouted.
Hannah dropped down next to Eli, and once again pressed her forehead against hers. It wasn’t your fault! It wasn’t your fault! Can’t you see that? I can! She brutally forced the memories into Oskar’s mind. And Oskar knows it too, don’t you Oskar?
Oskar involuntarily jerked back, as Eli’s raw unedited memories engulfed him. But he quickly grabbed Eli again as Hannah’s much clearer understanding of the tragedy greatly mitigated its effect on him. And he could feel Eli begin to relax as Hannah relentlessly forced the reality of what had happened and the improbability of it all into her mind, firmly pushing Eli’s far more distorted view of events to the side. It wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t your fault, she chanted over and over again, until Eli gradually relaxed in their arms and collapsed on Oskar’s chest.
Together, they carried her, unconscious, back to the bed and lay down beside her.
“Do you think she’ll be okay, Hannah?” Oskar whispered.
“I do, Oskar.” She smiled at him. “I really do! But just in case…” she pressed her forehead against Eli’s once again and took Oskar’s hand firmly in hers. “But I’m going to need your help this time Oskar.” There were still a couple of hours before the rest of the house would be up –time to make her final awakening easier, she hoped.
§
The morning sun lit up the window, and the smell of brewing tea wafted through their open door. Hannah got out of bed quietly and slipped downstairs.
A short time later, Eli’s eyes opened again, only this time they were filled with tears. “He was such a sweet boy, Oskar.”
“I know, Eli,” Oskar whispered. “I would have liked him, I know. And only partly because he tried to help you.” Oskar remembered how embarrassed he had been after he caressed Eli’s cheek on the jungle gym. He fully empathized with Isak. They had both been instantly taken in by how beautiful and unassuming she was. Even through all the dirt.
“And his dear Papa. Things were really difficult for people like us back then. And he wanted to help me anyway.” More tears welled up. “And I killed them!”
“No. You didn’t.” He kissed her gently. “You were just a 12-year-old boy, like Isak. It was an ageless predator. You didn’t stand a chance against it. It was your first time trying.”
“Yes, but…” She couldn’t think of anything to say. She knew he was right, finally, but those were her fangs that bit Isak, her arms that held him tightly until he died, terrified, struggling for his life. She cried again.
He rocked her gently in his arms until she was finished.
§
Hannah smelled the Earl Gray, skipped the last step and grabbed the doorframe, idly swinging herself into the kitchen. She was brought up short when she saw Jack already seated at the table.
“Good morning, Hannah.” He reached over and poured her a cup of tea.
“Jack! But...where are Mr. and Mrs. Dawson?” she quickly buttoned her top button and unrolled her sleeves, suddenly conscious of how silly she must look in her three-year-old too-small pajamas.
“They’re out on the porch relaxing, waiting for the three of you to come down to breakfast. On the off chance you’d be down first, I decided to wait in here for you.” He winked at her.
“You did not! You just came in for a fresh cup of tea.” She wagged her finger at him, accusingly.
“Hannah, how many times…”
She sighed impatiently. “I didn’t have to, Jack. You’re an open book to me. I have you all figured out without having to resort to…that.”
“An ‘open book?’ Am I really that boring and predictable already? And we’ve only known each other a couple of years.” He shook his head mournfully.
“No, No! I didn’t mean…You’re really not boring at all…” She saw the grin on his face. “Darn you, Jack!” She turned bright red, recovered quickly and swatted him on the arm.
“Ouch! Take it easy, Hannah. I haven’t had any Ejuice for two days!”
“I…I’m sorry, Jack!” she rubbed his arm briskly. “I’ll get you some!”
He grinned at her again.
“You…you…” Her eyes suddenly filled with tears. Everything caught up with her at once and she was overwhelmed: by Eli’s centuries of terrible nightmares still fresh in her mind; by her own now uncertain future, exacerbated by her talent, or curse, of being able to see it so clearly sometimes; and ultimately by Jack himself. The problem was that she was unable to understand her own future with respect to Jack, making it even more difficult to deal with. She flopped down in her chair, buried her face in her hands, and sobbed quietly to herself.
“Hannah, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to upset you.” He put his arm around her shoulders.
“It’s not you, Jack; it’s me.” She hesitated a moment. “No, it IS you!” She moved away from him, still crying, and laid her head on her arms.
Jack felt terrible. Normally, Hannah was a real trouper and seemed to always enjoy their little exchanges, but this time he had clearly miscalculated. He reached out and took her hand. “I’m so sorry Hannah! You told me what you were going to try last night. I should have known how difficult it would be for you. Please forgive me.”
Hannah cried even harder. She couldn’t let Jack know what was really bothering her. It was simply impossible. He’d never understand. She didn’t even understand. If she tried to explain it, it would only make things worse for them both. And it was so awfully embarrassing, she wouldn’t even know how to begin. Her present and her future were completely incompatible, and yet, her future was there, staring her in the face every time she looked. It was unchanging, unchangeable, and incomprehensible. If she helped Eli, nothing changed. If she didn’t, nothing changed. Only if she stopped aging with Oskar and Eli, would anything change at all; and even then, it wouldn’t change enough. I wish Sava had just left me alone! I didn’t want any of this!
“What’s going on, Jack?” Dr. Dawson sat down next to Hannah. She immediately slid into his lap and put her arms around him.
“I’m afraid I made a mess of things, Dr. Dawson. I’ve unintentionally upset her.”
“I’m sure she’ll get over it, Jack. In the meantime, why don’t you…”
“Of course.” He reluctantly picked up his cup and headed for the porch.
Dr. Dawson put his arms around her and waited for her to stop crying. “Take your time, Princess. Take all the time you need,” he whispered. “Would you like me to get your mother?”
She shook her head and squeezed him even tighter.
“More tea?”
She shook her head again. “No, thank you.”
“How about a little breakfast?”
She smiled at him. “You’re just trying to get me to talk to you, aren’t you?”
He tousled her hair. “I just can’t outsmart you at all any more, can I? You’re getting too old for me.”
“Not old enough for me, though,” she sighed.
“I guess I’m supposed to tell you now that you shouldn’t be in such a hurry to grow up, but I know it would fall on deaf ears. You’re too much like Eli,” he chuckled.
“Do you really think so, Mr. Dawson? She’s so much stronger than I am.”
“You underestimate yourself, Hannah. You’re stronger than most adults I know.”
“It certainly doesn’t feel like it to me.”
He lifted her chin up and smiled at her. “Take my word for it, Hannah. And Eli’s Mama is in full agreement with me on this. Eli is lucky to have you as a soul mate. And we’re both lucky that you chose to become a part of our lives too.” He kissed her on the forehead. “We’ve told you this many times before, but it certainly doesn’t hurt to reconfirm it every so often.”
Hannah felt warm all over. Just knowing that Eli’s Mama and Papa felt this way about her, comforted her in spite of everything.
How’s Eli?”
“Okay, I think. I… I tried to help her – you know, the way Eli and Oskar helped me after Den Sjätte …” she shuddered.
He raised his eyebrows. “And?”
“It was awful, Mr. Dawson! Her life before Oskar was so awful! And at the beginning of it all, there was a boy, Isak…” And it all came pouring out at once. Eli’s Papa sat, open-mouthed, and listened until she was finished.
“How is she now, Hannah? Now that she remembers?”
“Okay, Mr. Dawson. Oskar and I made her feel better, I think.”
“You do realize it won’t be that easy, don’t you? That is a particularly heavy burden, and one she has carried with her for hundreds of years. The scars are deep, and will be slow to heal in spite of Oskar’s and your help.”
“I was hoping…”
“Of course you were. It’s what you do, Hannah.” He smiled at her. “And you’re completely justified this time. Her secret was almost the cause of her death. And you’ve quite likely saved her life by what you’ve done.”
“Sava says it was her Karma that saved her, Mr. Dawson; not me. He says she would be dead now if she hadn’t crashed on Arrowhead Island.”
“Sava has his own unique take on things, Hannah, but one thing is clear: if you hadn’t found her in the cave and warned us all, she would have succeeded in spite of her detour.” He paused, “But I was referring to what you did last night. You’ve allowed her to confront her real demons for the first time.
Hannah let what he told her sink in. But to her, it was just another of many events in their lives that drove home to her how interdependent they all were; how each of them was vital to the survival of them all. At some point, each of them had been a major factor in the survival of one or all of them. She went over it in her mind yet again, as she had done so many times when she couldn’t sleep at night. To her, it was much more uplifting to think about than counting sheep.
Finally, she thought about Jack and how devastated he had been when he thought she was dead; and Eli’s Papa’s joy when she breathed her first breath after being at the bottom of the pool for hours. She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “I love you so much! So very much,” She whispered.